I see You
Every child needs to see someone’s eyes light up in recognition, with a look which says, “I see you, and you matter to me.”
At some point, almost every child, youth and adult feels parched for meaningful recognition. By identifying a virtue in a child and naming it, you will see their eyes light up in recognition – of their own value.
~ Linda Kavelin Popov (The Virtues Project – Simple Ways to Create a Culture of Character)
One of the greatest and highest expressions of love from a parent to a child is to wholly love and honour the child – simply for her own sake.
I can think of nothing as crushing and confusing to a child than to feel that the recognition of her worth and her parent’s approval are measured only by her outward performance. To acknowledge the value of a child only on this level of form is to fail to recognise and revere the inherent value that exists on the level of being.
Sometimes as parents we attend to the outward attainments and achievements of our children with much more drive and diligence than the cultivation of the child’s higher and nobler self derived through the purification of character, rectification of conduct and moral excellence.
A child is like a seed. Through the tender care and careful nurturing of the gardener does the seed germinate and release its full potential of becoming a tree. The gardener does not only see a tiny seed before him but the inherent and latent strength of a tree within that seed.
True education is the rays of sunlight that draws the seed out of itself and virtues are the fruits of the tree.
And so teaching virtues to our children is not simply about meeting social and cultural expectations or a display of beautiful manners. Its primary importance lies in the fact that we recognise within these young ones a higher capacity for greatness. We respond to their true value as a human being. Virtues are the light of God reflecting from within each of us. It gives purpose and meaning to life and resonates with our truest self.
To truly see someone is to see the depth of goodness in them.
By doing that, we raise up a new race of noble men and women who are sincerely kind to each other, live in selfless service for others and contribute to the betterment of this world.
In our deepest moments we have all yearned for someone to stop and take a good long look at us and truly see us. And to love and cherish us for all that we are in our deepest selves. How often in the face of such a love, we become the realisation of all our hidden potentials and we become a source of light to the world.
“Man is the supreme Talisman. Lack of a proper education hath, however, deprived him of that which he doth inherently possess…The Great Being saith: Regard man as a mine rich in gems of inestimable value. Education can, alone, cause it to reveal its treasures, and enable mankind to benefit therefrom.”
~ Bahá’u’lláh (Lawh-i-Maqsúd)
I agree completely!!! Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!
You don’t know how much that means to me! Parenting is one of the most rewarding yet one of the most difficult tasks to carry out. I have found great joy in connecting with you and what you stand for as a mother. Your dedication is always an inspiration to me! Hugs, hugs, hugs back!
I agree times 1000!!! Love and Hugs! D.
Coming from you, that says the world to me! Thank you so much. From a young mother to another whom I so admire. Sharon
❤ Hugs!
So beautifully stated! And that photo is so expressive of just that!
I so much appreciate your kind words! I’m glad you liked the photo too – that beautiful little girl is from Malaysia! Hugs! Sharon
So beautifully put. The child who learns from her parents to value herself for being rather than doing is, in my humble view, at such a greater advantage in adult life when it comes to doing what matters. She values herself and, by extension, others; and, from the very core of her being, she has no self-esteem hindrances that prevent her from creating and acting in high purpose. Another brilliant post.
My thoughts precisely Zen. Often parents in their well-meaning intentions try to cultivate self-esteem and confidence in the child through physical means – clothes, enhancing the child’s physical appearance or even through music, academic achievements, sports. All these by themselves are great outlets for children to find creative expressions but I think should not be confused as an arena to build an identity or self-esteem. And it pains me to witness the constant frustrations of a young child who feels she needs to prove and work harder to gain another look of approval from her parents. Like you said, most of these children grow up restless, constantly driven from one project to another, never actually finding their place despite being outwardly accomplished. It is a great injustice when parents live through their children for their own glory. But I’ll be first to admit it is a tricky and challenging thing being a parent to remember that it’s not about us but about them. Thank you so much for your warm review. Your keen observation of human nature and life is always spot on and your thoughts always matter to me! HUGS always, Shaz
I agree fully!! Beautiful words. Have a great day Shaz. hugs.Renee 🙂
Thank you so much Renee. I always think that the world is a better place because of mothers like you. I mean this truly. Hugs to a wonderful inspirtaion! Shaz
Thank you so much Shaz. hugs. 🙂
The greatest gift we can give others is our time, recognition, and support for who they are, not what they do. Thank you for a powerful post. I love your words.
Thank you so much Brenda for reading and taking time to write me this wonderful note! I’m so glad to know you and your belief and reverence for the human soul. Hugs, Sharon
Being truly seen, being truly known by someone, is a beautifully transformative gift!
That’s nicely said Mark! I like that – beautifully transformative gift. Let us all be that to another, how much more to little children. Thank you so much. Sharon
Thank you for reminding me that every time one of my children walks into the room, it MATTERS that I meet their eyes and smile. It matters that I kiss the boo-boos and give the hugs and kisses. It matters that I know which book is each child’s favorite. Thank you so much for the priority check! — Kelly
My dear Kelly, your intimate knowledge and attention to the details of each of your child must surely mean the world to them! Bless you for this great reminder – that our homes be the place where the highest regard and respect for each person is our topmost priority. Hugs to you and the lovely crew back home! Sharon
Sharon, you are too kind 🙂 I actually linked back to this post as a piece of the lesson I learned yesterday about making sure I’m recognizing the beauty of each individual child! Peace be with you! Kelly
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“In our deepest moments we have all yearned for someone to stop and take a good long look at us and truly see us.” – wow, how true is this? Such a beautiful post about the value of ‘validating’ someone in their very being. I love this – totally feeling inspired to focus less on my kids’ achievements, and more on who they are, and the delight they give.
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I so agree! Your child is indeed lucky! There’s a poem I shall look out for you which echoes this.
Thank you for visiting my blog and for liking and commenting – it really means a lot to me 🙂
Thank you so much my dear! I am lucky to be given this opportunity to learn and grow and receive so much by becoming a mother. I’d love to read the poem you have if you manage to find it! And it is a pleasure for me to read your posts each time! Thank you for liking and commenting – it really does mean a lot to me too! I’m going to try your lemony courgettes one of these days! 😀 hugs.
Wonderful vision and articulation! I completely subscribe to your thoughts. The initial 14 years are significant, more so the first 3 and 8 years…
I had written a blog posting for our daughter. It may be a value here. http://swamanthan.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/what-we-would-like-the-school-to-be-for-mallika/
Also check my visual poetry on children – going to school – http://sreeniviews.wordpress.com/2011/11/14/school-chalein-hum-children-going-to-school/
love and regards,
http://www.sreeni.org
Dear Srini, warmest welcome and thank you so much for visiting. I very much appreciate your feedback. Thank you so much for your blog post which I feel is one of the most excellent posts on parenting and children’s education I have read in a while. It is always a pleasure and joy to connect with parents around the world who put the education, training and nurturing of their children as utmost importance. Keep in touch and loving greetings to your family! Sharon
Hello, I’ve found the poem/writing and will be posting it for one of today’s beautiful things. I hope you like it. I used to use it in my teaching, for pupils in their Parenting classes and for trainee teachers to encourage the right attitude to children in the classroom. 🙂
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This is so wonderful Sharon. I wish it would be translated to multiple languages.
I am glad you have written on such an important aspect of parenting dear Sharon.
We have this habit as parents to compare our kids with others, giving them examples they should follow.In doing so, we are being unjust to their own identity, no two humans are similar.Such comparisons leave them in a devoid state.Their achievements and accomplishments are not proportional to their acceptance.Sheer love, care and a sense of security that we give them provides enough confidence to help in evolving as a successful, accomplished person.
Education is another important tool which broadens their perspective and vision.It also manifests diligence, a sense of self realization, which develops confident individuals.Knowledge has exalted man, and education has refined him.Love has completed him.They are the building blocks of strong, knowledgeable young individuals.
I agree with everyone else. This post is so true and it is beautifully written.
Wonderfully put, Sharon! Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much for coming over to check this out! Was just thinking of you today! Loved the violin concert – you must be so proud! Sharon
Your blog is inspiring so when I get it in my e-mail, I am always so touched by your words. Thanks and yes, I am truly proud of my daughter. 🙂
Thats beautiful. I have 2 young granddaughters, I appreciate your post. 🙂
Dear Dani, thank you so much for visiting and leaving me such a nice feedback. I always, always love to meet those whose life now include grandchildren – what a blessed time in one’s life to be! Loving your magical blog. Will be back for more! Sharon
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So beautifully said, Sharon. You expressed many of the feelings that I have when holding my 5-week old grandson (my first grandchild). Thank you for this wonderful post!
Russ
You have really captured this issue in a magical way Sharon — should be required reading for every parent-to-be!!! xo
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